he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
