I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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