oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
