You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I am midnight drunk by noon
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Randomize
