Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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