it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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