would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
