you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Randomize
