people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize