We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
