Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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