K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
