batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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