If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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