Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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