I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
