I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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