Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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