Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
