She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
