Taylor Swift is so right about you.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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