you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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