there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
