Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
