I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
