Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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