i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
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