apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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