does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Randomize
