Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
