i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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