dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
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You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
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My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
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