I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
