And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
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Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
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She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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