also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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