We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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