so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
