Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
