idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
