we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
