If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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