Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
