I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
