dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
