that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I can feel your judgement through the phone
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
