Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
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i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
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I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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