need another drink. this is the easiest way
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
