help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
BRING THE BAGELS
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
