apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
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