I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
