Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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