My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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