Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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