You don't have asthma, your pregnant
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
