woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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