We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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