Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
