check it out our google latitudes are spooning
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
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