I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
