I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Randomize
