It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
