I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
