**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
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