did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
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