Taylor Swift is so right about you.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
