Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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