remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
