she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Well I just put wine in my tea
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
