we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize